10 days, Technology Free in the Galapagos – What I Learned…

sea lion

So I just got back from an incredible 10 days on the Galapagos Islands. The islands themselves were absolutely incredible – the people, the biodiversity, and the unique terrain were more remarkable than I could have ever imagined. I’ll eventually post in more detail about some of the specific moments/activities from the trip but today, I want to talk about a component of my trip that is not directly related to the Islands.

 

During my trip I took a 10 day technology fast. While I still brought my phone for pictures, the fast consisted of:

  • Airplane mode at all times
  • No texts or calls
  • No social media
  • No emails
  • No computer
  • No searching the internet

 

Before talking about what I experienced and what I learned during the technology fast, I’ll start with why I committed to doing this in the first place.

 

Why the technology fast?

 

While a 10 day trip to the Galapagos is the perfect opportunity to unplug and fully immerse yourself into the island experience, that was not the main impetus for me to abstain from technology during this trip, just a nice little perk.

 

My primary interest in the technology fast can be expressed, in-part, by a real AF verse on Drake’s new album, Scorpion, in a song called Emotionless.

 

Missin’ out on my days

Scrollin’ through life and fishin’ for praise

Opinions from total strangers take me out of my ways

I try and see who’s there on the other end of the shade

….

I know a girl whose one goal was to visit Rome

Then she finally got to Rome

And all she did was post pictures for people at home

‘Cause all that mattered was impressin’ everybody she’s known

I know another girl that’s cryin’ out for help

But her latest caption is “Leave me alone”

I know a girl happily married ’til she puts down her phone

I know a girl that saves pictures from places she’s flown

To post later and make it look like she still on the go”

 

(Side note. ANOTHER Drake song says “I’m living inside the moment, not taking pictures to save it” – which also hits home for me. Go Drake)

 

When I heard those verses they struck a chord with me. While its not a direct match, the lyrics express many of the challenges I (and I’ll be so bold to say we) face with social media and staying connected.

 

Exhibit A:

 

Since I’ve been on this trip, while I certainly feel that I have deepened my mindfulness practice and have been much more present, there were a lot of things I’d catch myself doing that didn’t align with my values:

 

  • Once I got access to WiFi, I became too connected to my phone  – perhaps it was due to some of the intermittent loneliness that can  come with solo travel – but all the same, it was too much.
  • I would catch myself aimlessly scrolling through Instagram, liking every picture I saw – NOT necessarily because I liked the pictures (sorry) but because I subconsciously wanted to exchange likes for likes – thinking about it now seems so self-serving and honestly it’s tough to write about on a public platform.
  • I would post a picture and would constantly open my Instagram to see how many more likes I got and sometimes, who liked the pictures – as if I had any control over it and as if it truly mattered – and I’d use those likes to put value on my own personal experiences and the quality of what I was sharing.

 

As a result, I started to get tangled up. I’d catch myself in the middle of a conversation with an urge to check my phone, I’d find myself enjoying something beautiful but then thinking about how I could turn it into a post. This little black mirror (phone) had power over me – full stop.

 

I understand why I was doing what I was doing. When I started this blog, I put my personal story on a public platform. It’s like public speaking – you put yourself out there and open yourself up to judgement from the audience with the chance that they dislike what you have to say. I talk about things that are personal and important to me so of course I want it to be received well – and I think that’s healthy. But with this healthy desire to do well, comes the danger of the ego getting in the way. When the ego gets in the way, you lose that feeling of empowerment because you are under the control of the audience – where each like, from people you know and people you don’t, becomes a little ping of validation that you are doing the right thing and when you don’t get those likes, you start to question yourself and the value of the message you were trying to convey or the content you put out.

 

That is why, once I heard those Drake lyrics, I was like “Bruh…” and I decided to go tech free for a nice reset in the Galapagos.

 

What was it like?

 

This 10 day technology fast went pretty much like most of my previous technology-free experiences (yes I have done things like this before) and, I imagine, shares many of the same traits of stopping many habits cold turkey.

 

  • First, came the ego. It started off pretty rough. I think it’s because I posted on Instagram and then immediately shut my phone (maybe not the best idea). I wanted to check my phone so bad! Who liked it? Were people supportive of this technology fast? Did anyone care that I was going to be in the Galapagos?
    • This feeling persisted for a couple of days and then tapered off when I finally let go and said “who cares, it just is what it is.”
  • Then, the conditioning. I’d wake up in the morning and would want to go for my phone to see what messages or alerts had come through overnight. I’d go to the bathroom and felt so lost without having a phone to check. I’d lay in bed before going to sleep and would feel the urge to check my phone or do a bit of scrolling to lull myself to sleep.
  • Finally, the associative aspects. Social situations with an awkward silence would trigger my hand to reach towards my pocket to grab my phone. I’d go sit somewhere by myself and would find myself wanting to check my phone to make it seem like I was doing something important…lol.

 

Having done technology fasts before, I had a sense for what I could expect and was ready for it, but the feelings still came and initially were still hard to ignore. Over time however, the habitual urges started to dissipate and pleasant experiences took their place.

 

  • No longer was I looking at situations or experiences as a moment to capture and later post about, but instead they became moments to simply experience, nothing more.
  • Instead of reaching for my phone in the morning, I’d lay in bed thinking about the previous day and would feel intense gratitude for all I was able to experience. In the bathroom (lol but seriously, the bathroom is prime time for phone scrolling) or when sitting down in general, instead of mindlessly scrolling, I’d tune into my body and observe how it was feeling –  pleasant soreness in my muscles from the previous day’s hike or surf, warm skin from a day out in the sun, everything.
  • In social situations, I was able to fully immerse myself in the conversations. Silence was no longer awkward, but a chance to take a moment to reset, collect, and continue. Conversations became more enriched and went from brief conversations about the weather on the islands to deep meaningful connections.

 

All of these positive effects could be categorized as increased presence and an increased ability to tune into each moment I was experiencing.

 

So what?

 

While the technology fast was pleasant, it isn’t something I can do all of the time and I assume, neither can most of you. Like it or not, technology is an integral part of most of our lives and being completely “off the grid” is not a realistic solution. Technology is also a gift, it provides us with access to information and connects us to our loved ones. It’s an amazing tool and can tremendously improve the quality of our lives when used appropriately. Conversely, it can also lead to negative outcomes and pull us out of the present moment. So the question becomes – what do we do about the inherent conflict that comes in our relationship with technology?

 

In the past, I’ve done things such as delete social media (which I really enjoyed) however, I understand that in order for my blog to reach others (which is a goal) social media is a necessity and deleting it is not a feasible option. What I can do though, is incorporate a few guidelines that will keep me in check. Disclaimer – I have no guarantees on the efficacy of any of these guidelines as I am only one week into them but here is what I have decided to experiment with:

 

  • Set the right mindset:
    • It may seem like a silly guideline but I think an important component is setting the right mindset for approaching technology and social media.
    • If you don’t have a stance/mindset, its easy to get caught up without even realizing. For me, I didn’t realize how much my ego played into my relationship with social media. I’ve now set the mindset that social media is a platform for me to log my journey and share it with whoever is interested. It’s not a place for me to boast, be nosey, or to compare my situation with others. By establishing this mindset, I am giving myself a baseline to check myself.
  • Be intentional:
    • Very closely related to setting the right mindset is being intentional about maintaining your mindset. Technology and social media are never ending floods of information, there is always something new or something to check. If you fail to be intentional about why, when, and how you use your technology, it can easily lead to compulsive behavior.
    • While I continue my trip, I will be intentional in my technology use by designating specific hours where I can be connected – either to check social media, send an email, make a call, etc. By designating a specific time and place to be connected I don’t  need to be concerned with constantly checking my phone every time I hear an alert. Setting time in both the morning and the evening enable me to make sure I am not off the grid for an extended period of time.
  • Observe and respond:
    • By setting the right mindset and being intentional about how I use technology and social media, my hope is that I will be much more aware as I am using them. This will enable me to observe if my thoughts/behaviors are in line with the mindset I set for myself – if they are, great. If not, back to the drawing board to come up with some new ideas.

 

 

I am looking forward to seeing how these little tweaks will work out for me. I think it’s going to be a matter of constant reflection and adaptation that will get me to my ideal relationship with technology.  When it comes to this subject matter, I am certainly no expert and have limited experience. I’d love to hear from you if you’ve experienced any of the things I described and if/how you’ve been able to mitigate the negative impacts. Please let me know by commenting below or sending me a message directly.

 

Thanks fam! ❤

 

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We need to rethink how we set a vision for our lives

machuu.jpg

Something that’s been coming up in a lot of my conversations lately, is the concept of having a clear vision for your life.

It’s always an interesting conversation, because while I see immense value in being purpose driven and having a vision to strive for – I’ve also witnessed its potential to cause distress and dissatisfaction in people’s lives (myself, most certainly, included.)

In this post, we will look at a few examples that demonstrate what happens in the vision setting process that can lead to stress and dissatisfaction. I also want to offer up some food for thought and hopefully, you’ll walk away with a new way to think about your vision and purpose that allows for a bit more flexibility (and ultimately, happiness) along the way. (P.S. you’ll notice that I use the terms purpose and vision for your life interchangeably in this post, they are definitely separate concepts but for this post, it’s not as important to distinguish.)

 

Let’s look at 3 brief examples of how this idea of having a vision for your life can lead to stress or dissatisfaction.

 

1. My sister is in the process of transferring from community college to a 4 year university. Since she is transferring in as a junior, the infamous “pick your major” conversation was one of the biggest things on her mind. My sister is extremely hard working and ambitious, and as a result, I watched her put a lot of unnecessary stress upon her shoulders as she went through the process of selecting a major.

  • I don’t have a vision of exactly what I want to do/be, so I am nervous I am going to choose the wrong major
  • Betsy (fake name) is so lucky, she knows her purpose is to be a teacher so she knows exactly what classes to take and doesn’t have to waste time figuring it out. I wish I had that
  • As soon as I can figure out my purpose I’ll feel more motivated in the things I do (class, extracurricular activities, etc.)

For those of you who don’t know my sister, that girl is a ray of sunshine, so it was painful to see this pressure of having it all figured out impact her mood, sense of confidence, and general level of happiness.

 

2. Conversely, a close friend/colleague of mine has a very clear picture of what she wants to do with her career. We have talked a lot in the past and she knows exactly the types of projects,  people, and skills that exist in the industry. She is one of the most intelligent people that I know, so when it comes to job opportunities, the world is her oyster. I’ve had the opportunity to be a close friend through her last two job transitions and here is the interesting phenomena that tends to happen.

  • She’ll apply to a few organizations that excite her, she crushes the interviews and the job offers start coming in. It’s everything she wanted right?!
  • Kinda…
  • When it comes time to make a decision, which granted is a very important decision, she stops herself and thinks “shit, is this actually the right move? Is this absolutely going to get me to my end goal? Is it the best choice?”
  • The result is that rather than get pumped for the amazing options in front of her, she becomes plagued with the pressure to make the perfect choice. At times, she will even undermine her accomplishments because they’re not exactly what she thinks she needed. The end result is still a great job, but the pressure along the way makes the journey stressful and anticlimactic, rather than exciting and affirming.

 

3. A guy I know from the gym is just a few years from retirement. He was recently laid off from his job and was working to answer the question of “what’s next?” I had a few chances to speak with him through the process. In our first conversation, he told me “Matt, I’m tired of this shit…I’ve been doing (sales) for over 30+ years and the last thing I want to do is ramp up at another company right now. I feel like I finally have an opportunity to stop working for someone else.” Our following conversations were awesome, the guy had clearly been successful in his life. We’d talk about ideas of what he could do and some of them really got him amped but each time we’d go down a path, the momentum would slowly crumble because when it came time to pull the trigger he wasn’t sure that it was the best option – I sensed a fear of “what if this is the wrong decision? The result, he is back in sales and honestly I don’t think he is happy about it.

 

All of the above examples are really close to home for me, they are stories of people who I love, respect, and look up to in many ways. The examples also purposely span from college, to mid-career, to end of career. I chose these examples to show that this is something we deal with throughout our lives, so if it is a source of distress/dissatisfaction in your life as well, that’s not going to go away unless you directly address the root cause.

 

Now, let’s explore the root cause and the impact it can have on us.

 

At one point in our lives, we’ve all thought about our vision for who we want to be and what we want to achieve (our legacy). If you haven’t, you should certainly take some time and start thinking about it.

 

The issue, is that when setting our vision, we tend to put a very specific end-goal in our minds of what our lives need to look like in order to feel like we “succeeded” or “made the most of it.” When we finally define that clear end-goal, it tends to come with a very clear-cut path in our minds to get there (or at least a desire to have one).

 

What often happens with this approach is that the specific end-goals in our minds are typically articulated as a role or a specific measurement (i.e., I want to be a doctor, I want to be a teacher, I want 10 million dollars, I want to win 6 NBA championships [Bron, if you’re reading this, that means you]). Naturally, with the specific end vision, comes a clear-cut path to get there. “I have 10 years to become a partner, I’ll start as an analyst, then I’ll need to go to business school for my MBA, then I’ll come back and do x, y, and z, after that I’ll finally be a partner and be able to enjoy my life.” We chart out these paths because they provide us with a sense of certainty in our lives, a false sense of certainty, I’ll add – but it still helps many of us sleep better at night.

 

Our tendency to become laser focused on the end-goal and our clearly defined paths to get there can lead to the following negative outcomes:

 

  1. Stress: When we think about our vision it’s easy to stress out. “I don’t know my vision or my purpose.” “I know what I want to do but I don’t have a clue on where to start.” “So and so is so lucky she knows exactly what she wants to be.” “What if this is the wrong vision for me, can you remind me what yours is?”
  2. Rigidity…and also stress: We get so hooked on the end result that we don’t leave any room for “life” to happen…and “life” certainly happens (by life, I mean new circumstances such as falling in love, having a baby or getting fired, fresh perspectives like an epiphany that shifts your world view, or detours along the way such as a unique opportunity to travel or experience something new) When we are rigid in our approach, “life” happening can cause massive amounts of stress and dissatisfaction regarding our current situation because its not part of the path we set and we didn’t plan for it to happen.
  3. Tuning out…and also stress: Being laser focused on the end result can also remove you from the present moment. Rather than being able to enjoy things as they are happening, you are focused on calculating the distance to your end goal and all you see is a gap (i.e. your vision is to make 10 million dollars, you just made your first million but all your thinking about is the 9 million more you need to make.)

 

It’s twisted, because the whole reason we create a vision for ourselves is so that we can ultimately feel satisfaction with our lives and be happy. Critical components to happiness are less stress, the ability to deal with change and adversity as it comes, and being fully present in each moment we experience. Given that logic, it doesn’t quite make sense to deprive yourself of such things to on the road to happiness.

 

So what should we do?

 

I am not suggesting that we stop thinking about our purpose and our visions for our lives and just wander around aimlessly. I am suggesting however, that we rethink how we define our visions and path to get there. Rethinking our vision/path can free us from a rigid, myopic focus on the end goal and open us up to an adaptive, fluid approach that still takes us to our ultimate destination but allows for some flexibility and joy along the way.

 

Here are two simple tweaks you can make that will have a massive impact on the road to reach your vision.

 

  • Forget your role, focus on your contribution: as I mentioned, when we set a vision for ourselves, it can often come in the form of a role (i.e. I want to be a doctor, a college professor, or a personal coach). The challenge with focusing on roles is that to a degree, those things can be out of your control – financial situations, decisions from others, and general life circumstances can all impact your access to a specific role. Your contribution however, is something that you control 100%, all of the time. Contribution is focused around the outcome rather than the role – its saying “I want to heal people” rather than saying “I want to be a doctor.” When you focus on contribution rather than role, new doors open up. Suddenly, you don’t need to wait to finish school, residency, or have 5 years of experience to start living out your purpose. Suddenly, you don’t need someone else to tell you “yes, we approve that you can do this with your life now”

 

    • This same line of thinking also applies to visions that have a unit of measurement connected to them (i.e. I want to make 5 million dollars) Instead of thinking about the 5 million dollars, think about what it would mean to you to have $5m. Would you be able to travel the world? Would you be able to contribute philanthropically? If these are your goals, you don’t need $5m to get started. Typically, these units of measurement have a deeper intention behind them and once again, when you get to the core of what that is, a whole new world will open for you.

 

 

  • Allow room for life to happen:  I can’t stress this enough. We tend to see our existence and personal experience as the center of the universe and forget that there is a dynamic and interconnected world of people and circumstances out there that we have no control over. It’s impossible to try to control everything that happens and when we do, we stress ourselves out and waste time and energy fighting against this force of the universe. When we are rigid, we can close off to some amazing other opportunities – “Yeah, I wish I could have volunteered with that organization in Delhi but I have to study for my GMAT if I am going to get into business school by the fall” <– (There is nothing inherently wrong with that but in many cases, when I probe, its part of a precisely defined 12-year plan that has every year mapped out and accounted for.) For me, while I believe in ambition and planning, I also believe that there is a deeper intelligence at play and things happen for a reason – whether it feels like a good thing or bad thing. That’s why I like to leave a bit of room for serendipity and for an alternate route to my end goal.

 

    • Pro Tip: when you focus on contribution rather than role, it becomes much easier to allow room for life to happen. When you focus on contribution, everything you do, every place you are, and everyone you meet can become an opportunity for you to make a connection, add a tool to your toolkit, or get an experience under your belt that can support your vision.

 

 

By making these tweaks, my hope is that:

 

  • You no longer have to stress about knowing exactly what you want to be. You can instead focus on who you want to be – a subtle but powerful shift. When you focus on who you want to be, rather than what, you never have to wait for someone’s permission to start being that person – you can start RFN
  • You get excited about life’s curveballs and welcome them with open arms rather than fight vehemently against your current circumstance. This leaves you with energy to step into new situations with full force and a positive attitude, when you do that, things just start to manifest for you
  • You are more present, happier, and ultimately more productive! Your journey no longer feels like a chore, it becomes enriched, exciting, and joyful. The journey is no longer something you have to do, it’s something you get to do

 

I know some folks may read this post and say “That’s absolute bullshit, if you want to be the best, you need to be laser focused on the end result and not waste time on anything that doesn’t get you there.” Just yesterday I saw a post from an Instagram influencer where the caption read something like “Turn your blinders on to everything but your end goal.”

 

Maybe that approach works for you and if so, by all means continue – but this is why my perspective has shifted.

 

For the last 8 years, I’d consider myself a pretty purpose-driven individual. For me, my passion has been sharing health, well-being, and encouragement to others. To achieve this, I set a vision. I thought that I would need to be a well-known health and fitness coach if I was going to have any impact on people’s lives. So I got certified as personal trainer and yoga instructor and set out on my way. I started off by creating a small personal training company in college with a close friend, which we tried to scale to a web based business and failed. I was close to graduating college and had nothing to show for it – I felt ashamed and lost, what was I going to do now?

 

When received my offer from Deloitte Consulting, I was honestly not too pumped about it. I felt like this would take precious time away from my end goal but I took the job anyway thanks to some advice from a few good mentors. At first, my perspective didn’t really change, I wasn’t really happy because I wasn’t doing what I was “meant” to be doing. Consulting wasn’t my purpose, so how was I supposed to live it out at a place like Deloitte? I felt like I had to put my vision on hold. My thinking during that time constantly revolved around an “exit strategy” – what was the best way I could leave and get back on track.

 

Over time, I started to realize that it wasn’t that I couldn’t live out my vision at Deloitte, it’s that I wasn’t. I had been so focused on the role that I thought I needed to have to live out my vision that I became blind to the other paths. As this perspective shifted, I started to realize that there was an entire pool of people within my company who were looking to go deeper in their health and well-being but didn’t have the time or the resources. All of a sudden, doors began to open – I started leading group workouts and meditation sessions for colleagues inside and outside of the office. I got to use my consulting experience of public speaking and building presentations to deliver health and fitness concepts to a much broader audience in a more compelling way and most recently, I’ve been granted the opportunity to travel the world for 6 months collecting and sharing tips on health and well-being. It’s been at Deloitte, not even as a full time personal trainer, that I have been able to make the biggest impact on people’s health and well-being so far in my life.

 

Before I shifted my perspective, I rarely considered things outside my defined path and when I did, I couldn’t really enjoy them. For the last couple of years however, I’ve opened myself to the serendipity of life and am able to look at challenges and opportunities as productive detours that have the potential to take me beyond what I would have imagined on my own.

 

So to close, again, this doesn’t mean don’t set goals and forget your ambitions. No, being a lazy bum and sitting and waiting for things to happen wont do anything for you. Instead, stay productive but be open to detours along the way, cultivate a sense of faith that there is a deeper reason for your current circumstance, and allow yourself the time and space to explore what that may be.

 

 

Matt

 

P.S. If there are any challenges you’ve run into or any tips or tricks you employ when thinking about your vision, I’d love to hear your perspective.

 

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Bish Be Humble – focus on the foundation and build your base

into the blue

To start, this post is a bit dated. I wrote most of it a few weeks ago in Nicaragua, so some of the things I mention (i.e., the org I was working with, the people I was around) have changed. The learning however, for me, is timeless.

 

In a previous post, I explained the quote “who you are on your mat is who you are in your life” and for the non-yogis “how you do anything is how you do everything”

Today, I am going to go a bit deeper into one of my learnings from the yoga mat as it showed up for me again in Nicaragua – my tendency to want immediately excel at something…

 

As you already know, I am spending 6 months at a surf and yoga wellness retreat, Rise Up Surf, for a mutual value exchange (I provide consulting services, they provide room/board/food/activities). One of my goals during this time is to learn to surf well and I’m pretty much starting at level 0. The best and worst part about working at a surf retreat is that I am surrounded by world class surfers and instructors. It’s the best because these guys/girls have been surfing for 10-20 years and are some of the best examples to learn from. It’s the worst because they’re all amazing at surfing…and I tend to be super competitive.

 

On my first day in Nicaragua, I tried to hang. I grabbed a shorter board (for those of you who don’t know, smaller boards are tougher to ride) and paddled out. The waves were big, but my ego was bigger. WOMP, WHAP, CRASH. 3 waves, 3 wipeouts. And not just any wipeouts, I was under the water in a spin cycle, at the verge of gasping underwater, praying that my head would eventually break through the surface. It felt like that song Last Resort by Poppa Roach “Suffocation, no breathing”. When I made it back to shore, I was shook, exhausted, and I had destroyed my elbow trying to hold onto my board as they waves pushed it away from me.

 

After that experience, here is what my next few days looked like when it came time to surf:

 

  • I would walk up to the board rack with the instructors from Hawaii, Australia, and a few local pros who all grab their slim, sleek, and sexy short boards. I’d grab an 8ft 6′ wonky longboard that I can’t even fit under my arm so I need to hold it on top of my head with 2 hands.
  • I’d walk with the guys to a nearby beach break called The Boom (appropriately named because its big and heavy…boom). They would paddle out effortlessly, diving under the waves with ease as they paddled out to the sweet spot to catch waves. I’d continue past The Boom to another beach break called Kaya’s Corner (appropriately named after the Rise Up owners’ daughter who is 16 months old) where I’d finally paddle out to the sweet spot after about 15 minutes of constant pounding, losing my board, and drinking about 2 gallons of seawater through my mouth and nose. 
  • I remembered watching the crew at The Boom catching amazing wave after wave, getting deep into barrels and carving like butter up and down the glassy face of the wave. I’d pop up on little 2 footers and slowly ride the white water straight back to shore…when I was lucky…many times I’d bail during my pop-up and get tossed back to shore – knowing that I would need to paddle out again, drinking more seawater.

 

It was a frustrating start and I felt totally defeated, to say the least.

 

Because of this, I was feeling a bit off-key. I knew surfing was supposed to be about fun, not frustration – so I took some quiet time to clear my mind and breathe. What I realized, was that my frustration wasn’t coming from anything that was physically happening to me, it was coming from my mentality.

 

“I want to be the best, and I want it now” <– this was my totally distorted perspective. Things just don’t work like that. After all, if it were easy, everyone would do it.

 

I was in such a rush to be at the same level as the people I was with that I forgot about the fundamentals. I saw how good they were and I wanted to be there too, forgetting to acknowledge that each and every one of them also started with the fundamentals (learning to paddle, pop-ups, understanding the way waves and swells work) building a strong foundation of technical skills to improve upon.

 

It’s amusing when I recognize this tendency in myself to want to immediately be good at something because as a yoga instructor and personal trainer, I am fully aware of the importance of humility when taking on a new challenge and building a solid foundation but when the ego gets in the way, it’s easy to forget.

 

In whatever we do – building a house, a career, a relationship, or a skill set – its easy to become fixated the finished product and forget about all of the foundational elements that support the end goal. You want to build the world’s tallest building? You must first build a strong foundation. You want to be an astronaut and fly to Mars? Well first you need to ace your math and science classes. You want to rip on the guitar like John Mayer? Learn to tune the guitar, you must (yoda voice).

 

If you try to cut corners and don’t respect the process, it will catch up to you. Sometimes, it shows up very clearly and immediately as you smack your face on the ocean floor. Other times, it happens a bit more subtly – where you get away with it for a while but slowly it starts to become more and more apparent.

 

Exhibit A:

It was 3 years ago and my first time leading a team at work. I’d been selected to serve as a team lead for a pretty intense program at my company. My company, like many others, has a talent model. The purpose of the talent model is to provide employees with an understanding of the skills they should focus on at each level within the firm. Junior practitioners are expected to focus on “hard skills” – tangible skills that are core to the work we do (i.e., skills such as financial modeling, Microsoft Excel, and building presentations) As you progress through the ranks, your focus switches from hard skills to “soft skills” – skills that are a bit less tangible (i.e. developing others, facilitation, and public speaking.)

 

I’ve always been more comfortable and naturally inclined towards soft skills such as facilitation and public speaking. Focusing on these skills have helped me differentiate myself at my company and (I imagine) contributed heavily toward me being selected to lead a team for this program. Entering into this challenge, my mentality was – “I don’t need to focus on the hard skills because I can mobilize others on my team to get the job done.”

 

I was half right…

 

While I was in fact able to mobilize my team around projects that required hard skills, I soon learned that I wasn’t able to lead them as effectively as I would have liked. As we progressed further into the project, my team would come to me with very technical questions on how to approach specific problems. I struggled to find ways to guide them because I had cut some corners and didn’t have the experience of solving those same problems (or building those excel formulas) on my own. I found myself relying on fellow team leads or advisors to lead my team through these challenges and overtime, they stopped coming to me with technical questions. As a young leader, not only did that burn, it was also not productive.

 

Let me be clear, I am all about taking a strengths-based approach to your life/career and focusing on what you love and what you’re good at. That said, if there are fundamental skills relevant to your business and you have a responsibility to lead others, you should know enough to be a useful advisor.

 

I’m so thankful for that year as it reminded me of the critical lesson to build a strong foundation. I am also thankful for my mentors and advisors who helped me through that experience to make it a productive one. If it hadn’t been for that previous year, I wouldn’t have spent so much time going back to the fundamentals to make sure I was ready for the next time I had an opportunity to lead. Fortunately, my opportunity for redemption came shortly after.

 

The next year, by the grace of God, I was asked to lead the entire program. I was now responsible for leading our team leads and I was able to step up the challenge much more effectively. I still brought in advisors to guide my teams on certain topics but in those moments, I was able to contribute to the conversations, put it into the context of what my team was trying to accomplish, and continue to lead my teams in the right direction once our advisors left. The difference was astronomical.

 

 

So what?

Our society today focuses too much on “The Juice.” Especially with social media – we see pictures/videos of pro surfers, insane yogis, fitness gurus, amazing musicians, etc. all performing their best work. What this creates for us is an expectation of where we think we should be and when we are not there, it becomes a source of dissatisfaction in our lives. Many times we will quit something because the process to become great is too discouraging – we see how much further we have to go to meet our expectations and we say to ourselves “I’ll never get there…”

 

F that.

 

Instead, what we should be focused on, is “The Squeeze” – the long, difficult process that it takes to produce “The Juice” – that sweet nectar of success. When you learn to appreciate the squeeze, everything changes. Rather than focusing on the gap between where you are and where you want to be, you learn to love the journey. You become grateful for every moment you get to spend mastering your craft and for every mistake you make in the process, knowing deep down that in the end, if you stick to it:

 

“The juice is worth the squeeze”

 

 

Much love!

Matt

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